Feedback is the breakfast of champions – Ken Blanchard
(I might add some coffee with that feedback, Ken!)
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Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach, the one that tightens with each passing day you avoid a crucial conversation? Leadership brings those inevitable moments: we must address a behavior or offer feedback, but fear of the response, our own lack of composure, or a sense of ‘busyness’ keeps us from taking needed action. This procrastination, however understandable, comes at a steep price.
I recall a mentor in my past challenging my tendency to procrastinate with these wise words: “The most expensive time is the time between when you know you need to have that conversation and when you actually carry that conversation out in an effective way.” Think about it: each day you delay that crucial conversation, the problem festers. The emotional barrier grows. The negative impact compounds. You lose productivity, effectiveness, and potentially, valuable relationships.
This principle hit home for me early in my leadership journey. Back in 1998, I had an employee whose behavior was causing significant disruption within the team. I knew I needed to address it, but I dreaded the confrontation. Finally, after attending a leadership development program, I learned a framework that empowered me to have that tough conversation. And let me tell you, it was a game-changer and still is today.
The framework is simple yet powerful: SBIA – Situation, Behavior, Impact, Action.
- Situation: Clearly define the specific situation where the behavior occurred. Be objective and avoid generalizations.
- Behavior: Describe the specific behavior you observed. Focus on observable actions, not interpretations or assumptions.
- Impact: Outline the impact of the behavior – on you, on others, on the team, and on the individual themselves. This is where you connect the behavior to its effects.
- Action: Clearly state the desired action or change in behavior. Be specific about what you expect and by when.
After outlining these points, schedule a follow-up conversation to assess progress and provide further support. And here’s a crucial element: finish by asking the individual how you can support them. This demonstrates genuine care and a commitment to their growth.
So, if there is so much value in the conversation, why do we often shy away from them? Fear is a common culprit. Personally, I find that delaying these conversations leads me to ‘make up’ potential outcomes. Mark Twain’s quote, ‘I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened,’ encourages me to avoid this tendency.
We fear the other person’s reaction, we fear damaging the relationship, or we fear being wrong. But approaching the conversation with candor, empathy, and a genuine desire for growth can transform a potentially contentious encounter into a valuable opportunity for development.
Ephesians 4:15 reminds us, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” This verse perfectly encapsulates the essence of candor – speaking the truth, but doing so with love and a focus on growth.
Remember, timing is critical. Delaying feedback diminishes its impact and allows the problem to escalate. I often compare it to my own shopping habits. I’ll see something I like but hesitate to buy it, hoping the price will drop. Often, though, when I finally decide to purchase it, the item is gone, or the price has gone up (Have my wife tell you the story of how many times I looked at the Trager before I finally did buy it!). The same principle applies to feedback. The longer you wait, the higher the cost.
While these candid conversations are without a doubt challenging in the workplace, their power and potential for impact extend far beyond the office walls. In fact, some of the most crucial and transformative conversations we’ll have are with our friends and family. These relationships, built on deep trust and emotional connection, can be both the most rewarding and the most at risk.
Just as the SBIA framework helps us navigate tough conversations at work, it can also be a valuable tool for addressing issues in our personal lives. Imagine using this approach to address a recurring conflict with a spouse, a friend, or even a child. By clearly defining the situation, focusing on specific behaviors, outlining the impact, and proposing actionable steps, we can foster healthier and more authentic relationships.
Of course, the stakes are often higher in personal relationships. The fear of hurting a loved one or damaging a cherished bond can be paralyzing. But by approaching these conversations with candor, love, and a genuine desire for mutual understanding and growth, we can strengthen our relationships and create deeper connections.
Remember, candor isn’t about being confrontational or critical; it’s about being honest and loving. My guest this past week on the Uncommon Leader podcast was Todd Holzman who is writing a book on the topic of Candor he says that candor is “treating every conversation as a collaborative search for the truth to improve outcomes.”
It’s about valuing the relationship enough to address difficult issues constructively. It’s about speaking the truth in love, even when it’s uncomfortable.
So, how do we cultivate the courage and clarity to engage in candid conversations?
- Embrace the Discomfort: Acknowledge that these conversations can be uncomfortable but remember that the discomfort of addressing the issue is far less than the cost of avoiding it.
- Focus on Growth: Approach the conversation with a growth mindset, focusing on the potential for positive change and development for both parties involved.
- Lead with Empathy: Remember that the person receiving feedback is a human being with feelings and insecurities. Approach the conversation with empathy and respect.
- Be Specific and Objective: Stick to the facts. Avoid generalizations and focus on specific behaviors and their impact.
- Follow Up: Don’t just have the conversation and move on. Schedule a follow-up to assess progress and provide ongoing support.
Candor, when delivered with care and clarity, is a powerful tool for growth. It’s an investment in your people, your team, and your organization. Don’t let fear or procrastination rob you of its benefits.
Want to learn more about mastering the art of candor and utilizing the SBIA framework? Tune in to this week’s episode of The Uncommon Leader Podcast, where I had a fantastic conversation with Todd Holzman on this very topic. You can find the episode here: [link to podcast episode].
Being successful as a leader requires intentional leadership habits. That’s why I developed the Ideal Week template – a tool that helps me identify disciplines and habits needed for success and allocate the necessary time. It guides you through planning your ideal week, ensuring you dedicate time to the activities that bring you closer to your goals.
Want to give it a try? Email me at [email protected] with the words ‘IDEAL WEEK’ in the subject line and I’ll send you a copy of the Ideal Week template complete with a sample to get you started!
- Quote of the week:
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”– Frank A. Clark, the creator of The Country Parson, a series of one panel newspaper cartoons that was syndicated by more than 200 newspapers.
What You Need to Do:
Call to Action:. Candor is a skill that requires practice and courage. Commit to becoming a leader who embraces honest communication. Start by reflecting on your own communication style. Where can you be more candid? Where can you offer more constructive feedback? Choose one area for improvement and take action today. And if you’re interested in getting a copy of my SBIA template to help you script those crucial conversations, simply email me with “SBIA” in the subject line, and I’ll gladly send it your way.
It’s an honor to be your trusted “Friday Coffee Guy”. Each week, I’m excited to provide yet another round of curated content that I’ve been reading, listening to, watching, or thinking over. The purpose of the Champions Brew is to inspire, equip and encourage you to become the uncommon leader you were designed to be. I am so grateful for your decision to invest a few moments with me! I hope you enjoyed this week’s edition of Champions Brew. If you did, I would appreciate it if you would share it with someone who might enjoy it as well and ask them to subscribe! I will make sure they automatically get this email every week.
Until next time, Go and Grow Champions!
P.S. – Are you a podcast fan? Maybe the Uncommon Leader podcast is for you. Are you interested in being a guest on the Uncommon Leader Podcast? Do you have a story to tell? Email me [email protected] and let’s have a chat and set something up!!
