“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”– Proverbs 17:17
Happy Friday, Brew Nation!
I’ve been noticing a bit of a trend recently. When I ask folks how they’re doing, I often get a familiar, almost automatic response: “Living the dream.” I decided to look into the origin of that phrase and came across this. “Living the dream” can be used to describe an ideal, fulfilled life. But more often than not, I sense it’s used with a heavy dose of sarcasm. The kind of sarcasm you use when you’re living paycheck to paycheck, your job is stressful, and your car just broke down. It’s a polite way of saying “I’m not doing great, but I’m not going to tell you that.”
In a culture of “fine,” we’ve found a new, more polished way to hide the truth. But the reality is, true greatness doesn’t reside in the sarcastic, sarcastic “living the dream” mindset. It’s found in the courage to be honest about where you are, so you can build a bridge to where you’re meant to be.
A while back, I was at a men’s group Bible study, and the leader for the day asked us a simple question: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how are you doing?”
I want you to pause right now, Brew Nation, and think of your immediate answer to that question.
Now, here was the caveat that followed: “You can’t use the number 7.”
That was the real challenge. A “7” is like the verbal equivalent of a shrug. It’s the safe, non-committal answer that essentially means “fine,” or in the sarcastic context, “living the dream.” My first reaction was to use a 7, so I knew it was a great ‘trick.’ I tried this with my first three coaching clients, and sure enough, each one of them said they would have instinctively answered with a “7.” They immediately appreciated how the simple removal of that number forced them to be honest with themselves. It made them think: Am I truly well, or could I be better? Even a score of 6 or an 8 indicates directionally how you are feeling in the moment.
This simple exercise was a moment of purposeful reflection that got straight to the heart of the matter. It forced us to take a side.
The Barrier of “Fine”
So, why is it that when you ask folks how they’re doing, the standard response is a “fine,” a “living the dream,” or a “7”? I sense it’s not because people are being dishonest. It’s because they are trying to be “nice.” They don’t want to be a burden. They may not want to be vulnerable and risk being asked more questions. Or at times, they simply don’t know how they are feeling because they haven’t stopped to check.
The biggest barrier I’ve seen in my own life and in the lives of my clients is the avoidance of vulnerability. We are afraid to be seen as less than “perfect” or not having it all together. But if we can’t be honest about where we are (the gap), how can we ever hope to get better (close the gap)? The “no 7” check-in is a powerful way to expose that gap. It’s a challenging moment, but it’s a good one. It’s the first step toward honest self-assessment.
On the flip side, we have to ask ourselves: when we ask someone how they’re doing, are we really prepared to hear their honest answer? Are we ready to take the time to ask a follow-up question and offer support? If not, maybe it’s best not to ask. But if you truly want to know, here might be a couple of follow-up questions you could ask:
- “What is the biggest thing getting in your way right now?”
- “What is one thing over the next day, week, or month that you could do to help remove that barrier?”
- “How can I help?”
Moving from “Fine” to Foundational Support
The “how can I help?” is the bonus and the hardest part. Are we prepared to support the person on the journey? To point out to them when they aren’t doing what they said they would? To invest our time and resources in sharing with them? I believe it is critical to offer our support, but you must be careful not to take on their problem. Their growth has to remain in their hands.
This simple check-in process, when done with real intent, unlocks the opportunity to support one another and hold each other accountable. It forces us to move past the superficial and into the authentic, messy, and necessary work of leadership. It reminds us that friendship and mentorship are not just for the easy times but for the times of adversity and growth. As my friends John C. Maxwell and Craig Groeschel teach, leadership isn’t just a position—it’s a process of helping others go further than they could on their own.
“Living the dream” is intended for uncommon greatness, not mediocrity or sarcasm. This check-in forces you to own where you are so you can start the journey toward where you’re meant to be.
Being effective as a leader means consistently choosing discipline over distraction. It’s about deeply reflecting on what’s working, humbly learning from what hasn’t, and courageously course-correcting in relentless pursuit of uncommon growth. Leaders don’t just drift into success—they evaluate, decide, and act. At Growing Champions, we equip leaders with the precise tools and vision to do just that—because real leadership is about consistent, deliberate alignment between your values, your habits, and your desired outcomes.
👉 Want to start Living the Dream, Really?
📩 Email me at coachjohngallagher@gmail.com with the words ‘LIVING THE DREAM’ in the subject line, and I’ll send you a simple, powerful template to help you reflect and determine an action plan to get you to an 8,9, or 10!
- Quote of the Week
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
– Eleanore Roosevelt
What you need to do:
Your Call to Action: Ditch the “7”
The biggest barrier to growth is the one we allow ourselves to build. It’s time to take ownership of your personal and professional development by getting real with yourself.
Do you want to become a Champion of Change?
Are you ready to stop settling for “fine” and start pursuing your true potential?
Then commit to trying this simple check-in with yourself and with someone you lead this week.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how are you really doing?
- Now, remove “7” from your answer.
You’ve got the time. You’ve got the tools. Now it’s time to make this year your most intentional, inspiring, and uncommon year yet.
It’s an honor to be your trusted Friday Coffee Guy. Each week, I bring what I’m learning and living in the trenches of leadership. If this edition challenged or encouraged you, share it with someone who leads, stays faithful, or learns alongside you, then click subscribe. Let’s grow Brew Nation together! ☕💪
Until next time—stay focused, stay faithful, and keep growing, Champions! 💪
P.S. Want to share your story of courage and grace on The Uncommon Leader Podcast? Email me and let’s connect!
