Shattering Barriers: From Shame to Strength, Insecurity to Inspiration, and Respectful Leadership – Your Champions Brew

“What great cause would have been fought and won under the banner, ‘I stand for consensus’?” – Margaret Thatcher

Happy Friday, Brew Nation! 

Grab your favorite coffee cup, sit back, relax, and get ready to sip on some enriching and thought-provoking content that will equip you to thrive in all areas of your life:

  • Uncommon Leader Insights – Shame is a powerful force that can impact our lives, often stemming from past experiences that continue to influence us today. In a recent episode of The Uncommon Leader podcast, author Mariela Rosario shared her personal journey of battling shame and how she overcame it, offering valuable lessons for leaders.

Here are three of my takeaways from the episode:

  1. Name it – In Louis Giglio’s study of Psalm 23 titled “Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table”, he helps to outline a methodology to address shame in our lives. The first key strategy he outlines to win the battle of our own mind is to identify the thought and restrict it if necessary.  He said we have to be like a toll road attendant without our thoughts in that we should stop every one (especially those negative ones!) and decide whether it can enter or not.  This may be easier said than done, but our first response to those thoughts must be that we have control.  He encourages us to ask where the thought came from and is the thought congruent with God’s word.
  2. Reframe it – As those negative thoughts come in and we stop them, our next step, I believe, is to reframe the thought.  How can we battle that shame with a powerful declaration.   While our thought that we may not be worthy, initially, our task is to reframe that thought by instead declaring “I AM worthy!”  Say it out loud so that they can hear it in the back of the room.
  3. Game It – Now, here is the hard part.  Once you reframe the shame, you must then activate a behavior and DO something about it.  It is much easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than it is to think your way into a new way of acting.  Treat the process of overcoming shame as a game or challenge, embracing a playful and experimental mindset, and actively engaging in activities or strategies that promote self-discovery and personal development.

As we navigate our own battles with shame, Mariela’s journey serves as a guiding light, reminding us to name, reframe, and game shame as we strive for personal and professional growth.

  • Think Positively – For over 25 years now, I have immersed myself in studying the Toyota Production System, aka ‘Lean’. It is a timeless approach that continues to hold relevance today as a growth strategy for many organizations. At the core of Lean are two fundamental concepts: Continuous Improvement and Respect for People. While Continuous Improvement receives significant attention during training, it is crucial not to overlook the significance of Respect for People. Without both principles, sustaining any transformative journey, whether personal, professional, or organizational, becomes challenging.

But what does “Respect for People” truly mean? It may seem like a value we are taught from an early age, such as showing respect to our elders by using honorifics like “Mr.” or “Mrs.” However, it encompasses much more. I often discuss what I call the “8 rules of respect” with those I coach or consult. I find these rules posted at the desks and in the halls of those clients.  These rules, while simple, carry profound importance and impact. I initially discovered them in John Maxwell’s book, “There’s No Such Thing as Business Ethics” over 20 years ago.  I shared them in the Brew a couple years ago, but I don’t think there is an expiration date on these principles and I have used them in many discussions recently:

  1. If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).
  2. If I have a problem with you, I’ll come to you (privately). In today’s society, where gossip and social media often exacerbate conflicts, imagine the positive impact if we communicated directly with individuals instead of engaging in destructive behavior. These first two rules alone hold tremendous potential for resolving and minimizing many societal issues.
  3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me (I’ll do the same for you). Leaders, when someone approaches you with a complaint about someone else, ask if they have spoken directly to the person involved. If they haven’t, encourage them to do so.
  4. If someone consistently refuses to come to me, suggest, “Let’s go see him or her together. I am sure they will be open to discussing this.” (I will do the same for you). This rule promotes open dialogue and encourages resolution by facilitating face-to-face conversations, even if it requires mediation.
  5. Be careful how you interpret me. I would prefer to clarify any misunderstandings personally. It is essential to exercise caution when interpreting someone else’s intentions, especially in written communication such as email and text messages that often lack context.
  6. I will be careful how I interpret you. As a reciprocal gesture, I commit to approaching your actions and words with a thoughtful and open-minded mindset, seeking clarity rather than making snap judgments.
  7. If it’s confidential, keep it that way. If someone shares information with you in confidence, I commit to maintaining confidentiality unless there is a genuine concern for their well-being or the safety of others.
  8. When in doubt, just say it!  If you have questions or uncertainties, don’t hesitate to express them. I will do my best to provide answers and address any concerns that arise.

By adhering to these 8 ‘rules’ of respect, we can foster an environment of open communication, trust, and understanding. It is through these principles that we can build stronger relationships and navigate challenges with grace and integrity. Let’s embrace these timeless rules and apply them in our daily lives, both personally and professionally.

Quality #17 – Security

If You Won’t Carry the Ball, You Can’t Lead the Team

Maxwell starts off Chapter 17 with this gem: “Good leaders never embrace a victim mentality”. They understand the importance of personal security and self-worth in their leadership journey. Insecurity, which can be viewed as a form of imposter syndrome (I don’t think Imposter Syndrome was a term used when Maxwell first published this book in 1999), creates a sense of unworthiness and hinders one’s ability to receive what they desire. However, there are resources available that can help individuals overcome these limiting beliefs.

One such resource is Jamie Kern Lima’s book, “Worthy – How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life.” By believing in your own worthiness, you can cultivate a sense of security as a leader. Lima’s book emphasizes that self-worth is a determining factor in personal and professional success. It states that you don’t rise to what you believe is possible, but rather fall to what you believe you’re worthy of.

Lima addresses a broad audience in her new book. She wrote it for the 80 percent of women who don’t believe they’re enough, the 75 percent of female executives dealing with imposter syndrome, and the 73 percent of men who feel inadequate. By acknowledging and challenging these insecurities, individuals can begin their journey towards becoming effective leaders.

As the saying goes, “You cannot give what you do not have.” Just as individuals without skill cannot impart skill to others, leaders without personal security cannot make others feel secure. Effective leaders understand the importance of building and nurturing their own self-worth, which allows them to believe in others. When a leader’s team succeeds, it brings them great joy and becomes the highest compliment to their leadership ability.

On the contrary, unhappiness with oneself can serve as a significant barrier to success in leading others. It is crucial not to let insecurity or feelings of unworthiness hinder personal growth and reaching one’s full potential as a leader.

By recognizing the power of personal security and self-worth, leaders can overcome these barriers and create an environment where their team members feel valued and empowered. Being secure in your own skin is an imperative when striving to become an effective and influential leader.

Next week:  Self-discipline

Quote of the week:   “Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are.”— Saint Augustine

Call to Action:  Incorporating the principles of shame resilience, stamping out insecurity, and the 8 rules of respect into your leadership journey can lead to more impact. Today, I invite you to reflect on how these concepts resonate with you and consider how you can apply them in your personal and professional life.  Looking for a resource to help in one of these areas? Subscribe to the Uncommon Leader podcast to hear the stories of leaders who have overcome these challenges and are thriving today.

It’s an honor to be your trusted “Friday Coffee Guy”.  Each week, I’m excited to provide yet another round of curated content that I’ve been reading, listening to, watching, or thinking over. The purpose of the Champions Brew is to inspire, equip and encourage you to become the uncommon leader you were designed to be. I am so grateful for your decision to invest a few moments with me! I hope you enjoyed this week’s edition of Champions Brew. If you did, I would appreciate it if you would share it with someone who might enjoy it as well and ask them to subscribe! I will make sure they automatically get this email every week.

Until next time, Go and Grow Champions!

P.S. – Are you a podcast fan?  Maybe the Uncommon Leader podcast is for you.    Are you interested in being a guest on the Uncommon Leader Podcast?  Do you have a story to tell?  Email me [email protected] and let’s have a chat and set something up!!

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To become Champion leader, we have to be on a continuous improvement journey for ourselves and others.  We have to be able to take advantage of the precious seconds that we have each day.  
There are things that I come across each week that help me, inspire me, relax me, motivate me, and are sometimes are just funny that I want to share with you so that you can smile more, build faith, think positively, network well, exercise often, eat healthy, and grow daily.

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